ADHD Chronicles: When I feel like a letdown

 We are on day five of our holiday in Turkey.  It’s just as well because it doesn’t sound as though summer is happening in the UK any time soon!  I had lots of plans for this holiday, and I am at risk of feeling as though I have let myself down.  I have attended my three ADHD coaching classes this week and done all the required preparation for them, which some people may consider going above and beyond, whilst on holiday.  

However, my other main plan was to write and publish two blog posts a week.  My initial goal was to blog at least weekly about what I’m learning in my ADHD coaching training and how it is impacting me.  I haven’t got very far with doing that yet!  That then creates a bit of a dilemma-do I go back to the beginning of my training and catch up with the backlog?  Or do I start from here, six weeks in?!  While I ponder that dilemma, I will share some of my own experiences and thoughts about ADHD. 

I have definitely been triggered by my training so far.  As someone who was diagnosed in my early 50s, I grieve for the what-ifs if I had been diagnosed as a child.  Funnily enough, when I consider this, I don’t really wish I didn’t have ADHD.  I think it has made me good fun, funny, creative, quick-witted, and a caring person.  Get me blowing my own trumpet! That isn’t something I do often!

There are huge negatives for people who are undiagnosed, from a higher risk of addiction, to more teenage pregnancies, to being at higher risk of car accidents. Along with the high risk of experiencing Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, better known as RSD, with up to 99% of teens and adults struggling with increased sensitivity to rejection-imagined or real.  That statistic really shocked me, especially as someone who experiences this.  My husband jokingly commented on my wanting both keys for our hotel room this morning, and I was upset by that.  Rationally, I knew it was an innocent comment, but it still upset me.  Luckily, on this occasion, I was able to snap out of it quickly, but other times, those feelings can overwhelm me for hours! 

One thing I have noticed is that at times, my ADHD feels as though it is more under control.  I have found tools and strategies which help me.  For example, whilst studying for my degree, which overlapped the first three weeks of my ADHD coaching training, I used the website, Focusmate, every day.  It provides online body doubling, something we ADHD folk tend to find helpful.  I would also use it to structure my weekdays, using the first couple of sessions to journal, meditate, plan my day, tidy the kitchen, etc.  However, since I completed my degree, I have found it harder to stick to the sessions I’ve booked, and I have ended up cancelling them, despite still studying and finding them helpful to help with my morning routine and chores.  

My morning routine is something that has also helped me a lot, but is slipping slightly.  Sometimes, like today, I don’t meditate until later in the day, or even until I go to bed.  I plan to meditate when I have finished this.

Now I’ve been thinking about it!  And I definitely find it beneficial.  

There are still things I do which I find beneficial, for example, setting a timer for five minutes to get myself started on a task, or listening to an audiobook whilst doing similar tasks which don’t require a lot of thought. 

I’ve been doing a lot of reading alongside studying to try and gain as much knowledge as I can about ADHD to help myself and others!  I’m looking forward to finding myself on a more even keel and sharing my findings with you all!